I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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