Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
