I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
