Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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