so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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