she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
