Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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