i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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