OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
