i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
