Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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