lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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