i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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