the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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