So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
im on a boat
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