help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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