so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
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