If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
