I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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