I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
