just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize