If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
