sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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