i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
