i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
