so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
