just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
