Where is the hickey?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
