Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
