i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
