why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize