Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
