he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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