k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
