If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
