did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
