I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
