my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
