the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
