the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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