I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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