I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
