i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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