You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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