she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
