listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
