So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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