we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
