i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
