you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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