I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
