I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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