im drinking this country out of the recession.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
