we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
