Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
