i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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