i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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