I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
4 words: hood of his car
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
