I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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