New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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