I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
