so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
