Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I enjoy the company of your penis
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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