it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
