just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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