i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
