Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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