dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
