Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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