I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
