I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize