a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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