you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
