Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
