; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
