Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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