it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
People in love make me want to vomit
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
