I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
