Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My ass is underappreciated
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
