My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
