Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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