Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize