A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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