oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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