If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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