Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
