Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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