She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
