So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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