that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
