she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
