We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
