finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
