I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
