this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
