you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
