U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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