How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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