My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
