i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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