Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
