So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
