My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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