I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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