Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
