Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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