The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
