He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
