fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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