i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize