I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
