He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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