I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
