Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
