So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
