I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
