Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
