strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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