you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
