Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Randomize
