I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
